PLAYED 16/6/11
The Bastards took to the pitch with a lengthy pre-season training regimen (plus some kickarse "vitamins supplements") and really showed their experience against the shambolic Arseholes. The Dark Elves cut through their defense for much of the game until the Norsemen finally remembered their practice drills and shut the second half down with a fearsome cage. It almost paid off for them, but some sloppy ball skills failed to capitalise on the drive and saw the Arseholes limp away scoreless.
The pre-season drubbing for the Arseholes by the Blisterin' Shagfisters and a total lack of PR behalf of the nameless Bastards roster was reflected in the poor turnout of roughly 7,000 fans, but the smaller dark elf contingent was in for a real treat. Electing to kick, the Bastards found plenty of gaps in the Arseholes' front line and were able to dash through and snatch the ball from between the Norse receiver's legs, with the Bastard's #4 blitzer crossing the line for an early touchdown.
The crowd was clearly behind the 'Rok though, braying for the ichor of the dark elves; and while they kept putting the Bastards down they were tougher than they looked. Frustration led to fumbles, with Skid Mark's long pass failing to find a home, and the Bastards soon had the ball again, leading to an excellent passing game that sent the ball from one end of the pitch to the other. The blitzers were definitely on fire, with Bastard #1 crossing the line.
The Arseholes answered and answered hard, their troll-werewolf-berserker frontline smashing the Bastards but failing to find the kills. Only Harry Balls managed to hospitalise one of the Bastards. But poor discipline by a frenzied Blowhole the Snow Troll saw him stray too deep into the Bastard's defense; and seizing the opportunity to respond in kind they pinned the blighter down as Blitzer #1 took a flying tackle at the him. The big guy went down hard, snapping his ankle; it required a ten man stretcher team to carry him off the pitch to the chants of "Trollhammer!" and "Anklebiter!" from the dark elven fans. Much to their chargrin though Blizter #4 tripped up while going for the touchline; he hit the ground so hard he broke his jaw, leaving the 'Roks fans at least one thing to smile about over half-time.
A strange left-field defense by the Arseholes opened the second half, and the Bastards sent Blitzer #2 across the touchline on the second turn as the elf in the #7 jersey saw an opportunity to bring to the pain to Crotch Sniffer the werewolf. The foul was seen by everyone but the ref, and dark elf fans added "Wolfsbane" to their list of monikers for their boys. Sniffer was snuffed out for the rest of the match.
By now the 'Rok fans were pissed, and began pelting the pitch with tankards and helmets. While they were probably aiming for their own team, it was one of the Bastards who copped it in the head, and was carried off unconscious. The Arseholes responded by bringing into play one of their few practiced moves, building a cage round their receiver. This time-honored maneuver totally changed the dynamic of the game, bringing the Dark Elves grinding to a halt. No matter how hard they tried, the Bastards could not penetrate the Arseholes, and slowly but surely the Arseholes clawed their way down the pitch.
But the clock was ticking, forcing the Arseholes to bust open their cage early and dash for the line; the last moments of the second half ended in a messy scrap for the ball that failed to eventuate for either side.
MVP for the Heartless Bastards went to "Trollhammer" for taking down the Big Guy and productive work deep in the Arseholes back quarters; for the Arseholes the MVP went to Skid Marks for actually picking up the ball.
All in all the Bastards could not hope for a better start to the season, and the Arseholes can only hope that the promise and discipline shown in the second half is honed across all their team.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Match Report:
Blisterin' Shagfisters 2
Feral Manglers 2
PLAYED 16/6/11
The Blistering Shagfisters fought hard against the Chaos Pact. Early in the first half making a play for a touchdown deep into the opposition half after Slymon Abletoss picked up a fumbled ball and tossed it upfield, Dash Stikkyfingers was pushed out into the crowd by a Dark Elf resulting in injuries that won't see Dash back on the pitch for another week. The Chaos Pact recovered and went 1 up after inflicting a brutal pounding on the human underdogs, resulting in Will Mashewgud heading to the sidelines with a fractured leg. Fortunately for the Shagfisters the team apothecary was on the sideline and quickly had repaired the damage even allowing Mashewgud to return to the pitch that half.
It was a late play in the first half where Bruis d'Nutsak had his leg fractured and the score was evened by a Nik Snachengo Touchdown, but the second half is when it got really dirty.
Flash E. Farqueoff, thrower for the Humans was sent off for foul play, Owen Sumpaebak killed Pebbles the Fouler and Big Tom kept smashing Dickie Shulda to the ground time after time until it was established that Dickie would never be getting up ever again. Brick Enface took the score to 2 - 1 in favour of the Shagfisters in the middle of the half, whilst the casualties continued to mount with Brutus Shaggafist leaving the field with a broken jaw and Will Mashewgud ensured that another Chaos Pact player would miss the next game.
A goblin thrown for touchdown was a turn 8 play by the Chaos pact, leading to riots in stadium that had the time clock reset for an extra play each. Having set up simply to cause injury this left the key players out of position, Will Mashewgud carved a channel through the defense and the pass went to Owen Sumpaebak who was already looking at the touchline downfield. Owen's dreams of victory and glory slipped through his fingers and bounced to the ground, essentially securing the result as a draw.
MVP for the humans went to Will Mashewgud, who was inspirational and provided some key assists running around the field like a madman on his fractured leg. Nobody knows exactly what the Apothecary did to get him back on the field, but Will is sharper than ever and has been heard to comment "...I need another fix, man" and "got a copper, mister". Doc Feelgood's only comment was "...the first one is always free..." but hasn't elaborated further.
The Blistering Shagfisters fought hard against the Chaos Pact. Early in the first half making a play for a touchdown deep into the opposition half after Slymon Abletoss picked up a fumbled ball and tossed it upfield, Dash Stikkyfingers was pushed out into the crowd by a Dark Elf resulting in injuries that won't see Dash back on the pitch for another week. The Chaos Pact recovered and went 1 up after inflicting a brutal pounding on the human underdogs, resulting in Will Mashewgud heading to the sidelines with a fractured leg. Fortunately for the Shagfisters the team apothecary was on the sideline and quickly had repaired the damage even allowing Mashewgud to return to the pitch that half.
It was a late play in the first half where Bruis d'Nutsak had his leg fractured and the score was evened by a Nik Snachengo Touchdown, but the second half is when it got really dirty.
Flash E. Farqueoff, thrower for the Humans was sent off for foul play, Owen Sumpaebak killed Pebbles the Fouler and Big Tom kept smashing Dickie Shulda to the ground time after time until it was established that Dickie would never be getting up ever again. Brick Enface took the score to 2 - 1 in favour of the Shagfisters in the middle of the half, whilst the casualties continued to mount with Brutus Shaggafist leaving the field with a broken jaw and Will Mashewgud ensured that another Chaos Pact player would miss the next game.
A goblin thrown for touchdown was a turn 8 play by the Chaos pact, leading to riots in stadium that had the time clock reset for an extra play each. Having set up simply to cause injury this left the key players out of position, Will Mashewgud carved a channel through the defense and the pass went to Owen Sumpaebak who was already looking at the touchline downfield. Owen's dreams of victory and glory slipped through his fingers and bounced to the ground, essentially securing the result as a draw.
MVP for the humans went to Will Mashewgud, who was inspirational and provided some key assists running around the field like a madman on his fractured leg. Nobody knows exactly what the Apothecary did to get him back on the field, but Will is sharper than ever and has been heard to comment "...I need another fix, man" and "got a copper, mister". Doc Feelgood's only comment was "...the first one is always free..." but hasn't elaborated further.
Pre-Season Match Report:
Blisterin' Shagfisters 3
Ragnorok's Arseholes 1
Threeee oneee! Threeee oneee! Humans won!
Sure it was a tough game and poor old Hugo Herpes ended up dog food, but honestly it wasn't much fun sharing a shower room with him anyway. Highlights package include a 1-0 lead after the first half, although it not for an admin error in the Norse camp they would have had one more play with which to score an inevitable touchdown. That half time whistle blew at just the right time.
Second half had plenty of play making and was dominated by a human side outnumbered and technically speaking outgunned due to injury. But the Norse never looked threatening and by the end of the match had given up playing the ball and simply were aiming to maim and injury. Does this make the Norse poor losers? No, not at all - just plain old losers.
As soon as the Humans get through the public health system they'll be fighting fit again, and ready for their next match.
Threeee oneee!
Sure it was a tough game and poor old Hugo Herpes ended up dog food, but honestly it wasn't much fun sharing a shower room with him anyway. Highlights package include a 1-0 lead after the first half, although it not for an admin error in the Norse camp they would have had one more play with which to score an inevitable touchdown. That half time whistle blew at just the right time.
Second half had plenty of play making and was dominated by a human side outnumbered and technically speaking outgunned due to injury. But the Norse never looked threatening and by the end of the match had given up playing the ball and simply were aiming to maim and injury. Does this make the Norse poor losers? No, not at all - just plain old losers.
As soon as the Humans get through the public health system they'll be fighting fit again, and ready for their next match.
Threeee oneee!
THE GREATEST GAME ON EARTH
At the arse-end of the world, in the farthest city from the heart of the Old Empire, on the shores of a sunken continent.... the greatest game on earth is played: BLOOD BOWL!
This website will cover every game of our local competition, every team and every star player. All coaches are invited to keep the website up-to-date with the latest info about their team, stats and scores, background and bollocks.
The site is set up as follows:
Latest News - All updates, match reports, and random ramblings.
League Table - how well each team is doing.
League Teams - bio on each team in the League.
Touchdown Crown - who is the top scorer of the League.
King Karnage - who is the deadliest killer in the League.
Play of the Day - where fantastic moments in Blood Bowl are celebrated.
Hall of Infamy - where the worst of the worst come to be castrated.
Rules and Regs - specific details relating to the Dunedin BBL as laid down by the Commissioner.
Well that's it for starts, plenty more action to come!
SPLIT SOME SKULLS!
– Commissioner
This website will cover every game of our local competition, every team and every star player. All coaches are invited to keep the website up-to-date with the latest info about their team, stats and scores, background and bollocks.
The site is set up as follows:
Latest News - All updates, match reports, and random ramblings.
League Table - how well each team is doing.
League Teams - bio on each team in the League.
Touchdown Crown - who is the top scorer of the League.
King Karnage - who is the deadliest killer in the League.
Play of the Day - where fantastic moments in Blood Bowl are celebrated.
Hall of Infamy - where the worst of the worst come to be castrated.
Rules and Regs - specific details relating to the Dunedin BBL as laid down by the Commissioner.
Well that's it for starts, plenty more action to come!
SPLIT SOME SKULLS!
– Commissioner
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)