After the walloping the skaven received by the twisted and mutated hands of the Feral Maulers, the Skavverz Skamperz have decided it best not to get back up off the pitch and face another team! In fact, they have remained on the same very pitch for the last fortnight, lying face down (or belly up, depending on how they landed) and are refusing to budge!
Match officials have decided that the show must go on however, and have issued a warning to all players facing off at the Toecutter Stadium to check their boots between plays - those rats were always slippery!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Match Report:
Legion of the Dead 2
The Exiles 1
Once again it was a nice sunny day for Blood Bowl as the newbie team of The Exiles (hot amazon babes) took on the Legion of the Dead (smelly old corpses). There was an interesting turnout from the crowd, The newbie team has about 4,000 supporting fans (mostly women), while LoD has an incredible 17,000 Necrophiliacs who had obviously come to watch their team shag the Amazons.
The Legion of the Dead won the coin toss and chose to receive.
The Amazon's seemed to be aware of the dangers of standing so close to the edge of the pitch when Knight Howler is on the field, but despite getting some advice from the Legion of the Dead coach, left a large gap down the right side of the field. Precious received the ball after kick off and sure enough headed for that open gab, successfully passing the ball to Lord Mortis.
Meanwhile midfield, The Rock KO'd Lineman 1 sending him off the pitch.
The Exiles attacked taking Lord Mortis down along with the ball and Molpadia slipped in a boot to his balls for a stun. The crowd screamed cries of 'Foul' but the referee decided to turn his head and ignore it.
Knight Howler entered the fray kicking one amazon beauty out into the crowd. The crowd didn't seem to eager to beat up these hotties and only a solitary orc came over to stun the beauty. The Amazons did their best to get to the ball, but came up just short.
A couple of turns later, Lord Mortis had revenge for his team on Eumache causing injury and ending her ability to play out the rest of the game. Also in retaliation to the foul, Brains the Zombie, returning after injury began stomping on Aello only to get caught by the referee and sent off the field. Boos come from the crowd, who now suspected those amazon hotties have had some influence on the ref (Lucky Ref).
Finally Lord Mortis managed to pick up the ball, smashes his way through Toxaris, causing injury also, and ran across the line for the try.
The Legion of the Dead kicked off and Molpadia struck again with another kick to the balls, this time to The Rock and surprisingly The Rock went down in a heap and was dragged off the field.
Luckily for him, again his regeneration saved him from missing out on the rest of the match.
With no Rock on the field, the Legion's defense weakened and eventually Otrere ran through and scores a try for the Amazons. With not much time left of the first half, the Legion of the Dead tried to organize a solid drive only to have Klymene cause injury to Meat the zombie and Lampedo a knock out punch on Lord Doom.
Second half and Legion of the Dead had to kick off again, the ball going long down the far end of the Amazons turf. Lord Doom had his revenge laying the smack down on Kreousa causing injury and sending her off on a stretcher. The Girls tried to strike back but Aina collided with Dribble knocking herself out – a good thing too as Dribble began to drool all over her! She'll be taking a bath after that one...
Lord Mortis decided to use his head – literally – and head butted Otrere into the injury bin allowing Roger to try and charge through for a touch down, however he failed to pick up the ball and the girls brought back more support.
Both teams struggled to retrieve the ball lying deep in Amazon territory, but the loss of four of their players from the field started to show on the Amazons and they are eventually outnumbered around the ball area.
Finally Roger grabbed the ball and scored the winning try with only one turn left on the clock.
Final score 2 - 1 to the Legion of the Dead.
The Legion of the Dead won the coin toss and chose to receive.
The Amazon's seemed to be aware of the dangers of standing so close to the edge of the pitch when Knight Howler is on the field, but despite getting some advice from the Legion of the Dead coach, left a large gap down the right side of the field. Precious received the ball after kick off and sure enough headed for that open gab, successfully passing the ball to Lord Mortis.
Meanwhile midfield, The Rock KO'd Lineman 1 sending him off the pitch.
The Exiles attacked taking Lord Mortis down along with the ball and Molpadia slipped in a boot to his balls for a stun. The crowd screamed cries of 'Foul' but the referee decided to turn his head and ignore it.
Knight Howler entered the fray kicking one amazon beauty out into the crowd. The crowd didn't seem to eager to beat up these hotties and only a solitary orc came over to stun the beauty. The Amazons did their best to get to the ball, but came up just short.
A couple of turns later, Lord Mortis had revenge for his team on Eumache causing injury and ending her ability to play out the rest of the game. Also in retaliation to the foul, Brains the Zombie, returning after injury began stomping on Aello only to get caught by the referee and sent off the field. Boos come from the crowd, who now suspected those amazon hotties have had some influence on the ref (Lucky Ref).
Finally Lord Mortis managed to pick up the ball, smashes his way through Toxaris, causing injury also, and ran across the line for the try.
The Legion of the Dead kicked off and Molpadia struck again with another kick to the balls, this time to The Rock and surprisingly The Rock went down in a heap and was dragged off the field.
Luckily for him, again his regeneration saved him from missing out on the rest of the match.
With no Rock on the field, the Legion's defense weakened and eventually Otrere ran through and scores a try for the Amazons. With not much time left of the first half, the Legion of the Dead tried to organize a solid drive only to have Klymene cause injury to Meat the zombie and Lampedo a knock out punch on Lord Doom.
Second half and Legion of the Dead had to kick off again, the ball going long down the far end of the Amazons turf. Lord Doom had his revenge laying the smack down on Kreousa causing injury and sending her off on a stretcher. The Girls tried to strike back but Aina collided with Dribble knocking herself out – a good thing too as Dribble began to drool all over her! She'll be taking a bath after that one...
Lord Mortis decided to use his head – literally – and head butted Otrere into the injury bin allowing Roger to try and charge through for a touch down, however he failed to pick up the ball and the girls brought back more support.
Both teams struggled to retrieve the ball lying deep in Amazon territory, but the loss of four of their players from the field started to show on the Amazons and they are eventually outnumbered around the ball area.
Finally Roger grabbed the ball and scored the winning try with only one turn left on the clock.
Final score 2 - 1 to the Legion of the Dead.
Monday, June 27, 2011
BOUNTY BOARD!
The Blisterin Shagfisters want
Trollhammer DEAD!
And in news just to hand the Shagfisters have announced a 50,000gp bounty for the scalp of Dark Elf rising star TROLLHAMMER of the Heartless Bastards!
The killer has to take Trollhammer down with their very own bloody hands — be it in the heat of a block or by vicious foul! Crowd kills don't count, though whether the Fisters will pay up to Trollhammer's team if he kills himself dodging or going for it remains to be seen!
And the Dunedin Blood Bowl league just got a little bloodier! Nice one!
The killer has to take Trollhammer down with their very own bloody hands — be it in the heat of a block or by vicious foul! Crowd kills don't count, though whether the Fisters will pay up to Trollhammer's team if he kills himself dodging or going for it remains to be seen!
And the Dunedin Blood Bowl league just got a little bloodier! Nice one!
Match Report:
Blisterin' Shagfisters 3
Legon of the Dead 2
A crowd of 22,000 turned out to see how many humans would be permanently injured or killed in the match up between the Blisterin Shagfisters and the Legion of the Dead. Some of the crowd could barely contain themselves at the prospect of blood and mayhem, and a rock was thrown just as the whistle blew for kickoff with the Fisters receiving. It’s unclear whether it was thrown by one of the 13,000 Necrophiliacs, or the smaller contingent of Fister fans but the rock hit the Flash E Farqueoff who hit the pitch before the ball, spending the rest of the game on the sidelines badly hurt.
With their Thrower out of the game before it even started Will Mashewgud and his still fractured leg stepped up and played like a P-junkie. Lineman Bruis d’Nutsak knocked out Roger the ghoul as part of the forward drive that saw Mashewgud throw to catcher Dash Stikkyfingers who sprinted downfield, stumbling across the line to see the Fisters go 1 - 0 early in the first half.
The Legion of the Dead regrouped and put forward a solid drive, taking 4 more phases to level the scores with a touch down to Precious the ghoul. It must have been close to that time of month for Knight Howler, as he chased down anything moving faster or smelling fresher than a zombie. Within two wags of his tail Howler had new human catcher Pants Onfirah smashed off the pitch into the crowd, where he remained for the rest of the game.
It was during this leveling drive that the Legion’s head coach ordered a tactical slow down to burn up time when the endzone was within striking distance. This strategy may have been regretted as it was during the extra phases that Mashewgud lay the smack down on the wight Lord Doom who’s groin strain will keep him out of the next game. At same time Lineman d’Nutsak smashed the brains out of Brains the zombie, resulting in serious concussion which will have repercussions in the future if Brains ever makes it back onto a Blood Bowl pitch.
With clock moving on in the second half the Fisters tried to hurry through a return but Howler chased down Catcher Stikkyfingers who was carrying the ball into the Legions half. Precious recovered but lacked remaining time to add to the score.
The second half started with a pitch invasion, which saw three of the Fisters and two of the Legion on the ground. Brik Enface knocked himself out making a desperate tackle without support, and Mashewgud slipped and spent some quality time with the Doc before returning to the pitch. Again the Legion’s coach was ordering slow play and the Fisters took the opportunity to lay down a foul on the Legion’s flesh golem “The Rock”, which seemed to hurry Precious across the line to take the Legion up 2 - 1
With enough time for three more phases the Fisters were desperately playing for the draw and quickly threw the ball to Stikkyfingers who ran down field with cover from Enface. The Howler knocked down Stikkyfingers allowing Precious the ghoul to recover the ball before being badly hurt when Mashewgud bagged his second casualty of the night.
The play of the day came from Blitzer Enface, dodging through multiple tackle zones to scoop up the ball from under the Howlers nose and slipping across into the end zone to level the scores again.
A blitz from kickoff saw the Fisters charging deep into the Legion’s half where Roger the ghoul was positioned to take the kick off. The Howler was racing down field and The Rock was to clear a channel for a hand off and throw but Lineman d’Nutsak took The Rock to the ground with him when blocked by the Flesh golem, stunning all but Blizter Mashewgud. Mashewgud ran in the Fisters third touch down of the night and first victory of the season.
With their Thrower out of the game before it even started Will Mashewgud and his still fractured leg stepped up and played like a P-junkie. Lineman Bruis d’Nutsak knocked out Roger the ghoul as part of the forward drive that saw Mashewgud throw to catcher Dash Stikkyfingers who sprinted downfield, stumbling across the line to see the Fisters go 1 - 0 early in the first half.
The Legion of the Dead regrouped and put forward a solid drive, taking 4 more phases to level the scores with a touch down to Precious the ghoul. It must have been close to that time of month for Knight Howler, as he chased down anything moving faster or smelling fresher than a zombie. Within two wags of his tail Howler had new human catcher Pants Onfirah smashed off the pitch into the crowd, where he remained for the rest of the game.
It was during this leveling drive that the Legion’s head coach ordered a tactical slow down to burn up time when the endzone was within striking distance. This strategy may have been regretted as it was during the extra phases that Mashewgud lay the smack down on the wight Lord Doom who’s groin strain will keep him out of the next game. At same time Lineman d’Nutsak smashed the brains out of Brains the zombie, resulting in serious concussion which will have repercussions in the future if Brains ever makes it back onto a Blood Bowl pitch.
With clock moving on in the second half the Fisters tried to hurry through a return but Howler chased down Catcher Stikkyfingers who was carrying the ball into the Legions half. Precious recovered but lacked remaining time to add to the score.
The second half started with a pitch invasion, which saw three of the Fisters and two of the Legion on the ground. Brik Enface knocked himself out making a desperate tackle without support, and Mashewgud slipped and spent some quality time with the Doc before returning to the pitch. Again the Legion’s coach was ordering slow play and the Fisters took the opportunity to lay down a foul on the Legion’s flesh golem “The Rock”, which seemed to hurry Precious across the line to take the Legion up 2 - 1
With enough time for three more phases the Fisters were desperately playing for the draw and quickly threw the ball to Stikkyfingers who ran down field with cover from Enface. The Howler knocked down Stikkyfingers allowing Precious the ghoul to recover the ball before being badly hurt when Mashewgud bagged his second casualty of the night.
The play of the day came from Blitzer Enface, dodging through multiple tackle zones to scoop up the ball from under the Howlers nose and slipping across into the end zone to level the scores again.
A blitz from kickoff saw the Fisters charging deep into the Legion’s half where Roger the ghoul was positioned to take the kick off. The Howler was racing down field and The Rock was to clear a channel for a hand off and throw but Lineman d’Nutsak took The Rock to the ground with him when blocked by the Flesh golem, stunning all but Blizter Mashewgud. Mashewgud ran in the Fisters third touch down of the night and first victory of the season.
Match Report:
Legion of the Dead 3
Khermit's Khrusaders 1
Another perfect day (with the odd gust of wind) for Blood Bowl as the two teams entered the field. The arena was jam backed with 16,000 screaming fans who have come to witness pain and glory.
Coming from a close loss to the Blisterin' Shagfisters there was much doubt on the Necromantic side that they could stop these agile leaping frogs, bt they were quite relieved when the Slann's decided to kick off. The necromancers defense held up against the frogs and after Knight Howler was able to scare one of the frog lineman off the pitch, the dead were able to form a cage around Roger who had the ball. The cage held well even though one of the Slann was part of it, it seemed he froze with fear being so close to corpses and unchallenged Roger passed the ball to Knight who ran across for the try.
Now the undead were faced with their toughest challenge.......defense.
Nuffle was on their side though as the ball landed close to the halfway line and the receiving team were taken by a surprise blitz from the werewolf who smashed the little frog catcher over giving Roger an opportunity to grab the ball. After a long strong defence from the Necromantics, Roger was able to cross the line for a second try and the Necromantic's doubt's were buried in the empty graves that they came from.....
As the clock ticked closer to half time the Undead's defense held up still and Rocky caused a devastating blow to a frog lineman taking him out for the rest of the match. In turn the Slanns stomped and knocked out two of the Necromantic's team.
At halftime with some help of the Bloodweiser Babes and their ale, the Necromantic team were back to full strength while the Slann were a frog down.
The Slann who were on the receiving again, decided they needed to even the score and Frogzilla heard their cry's of 'get him' and 'pound the Rock, pound the Rock'. He answered it with a mighty blow that would have split a normal rock in two, but surprisingly Rocky was able to Regenerate the damage and crawled his way off the pitch for a wee break and some more Bloodweiser ale (not that he needed it though, I suspect it had something to do with the 'Prreety.......Girrrrl' handing them out).
With no Rock on the field the Necromantic's defense fell over and the Slann leaped their way over the try line bringing the score to 1-2 to the Necromantics.
The Rock - after a refreshing drink - came back onto the field and lived up to his name standing firm against blow after blow and with the Undead finally on the receiving side again pushed themselves deep into Slann turf with Precious holding the ball. But as Precious, with his head down, looked up at the nearby touch line he connected head first with a frog lineman's head. Feeling the 'ochy' he collapsed to the ground crying, unaware that when his head smashed into the Lineman's, it fractured part of the Lineman's skull into its brain, instantly killing the frog. The ball scattered, stopping just to the right of Lord Mortis.
Desperate, another frog lineman tried to leap over 'Meat' the Zombie to get to the ball, but Meat managed to put the frog off balance and the lineman landed face first in the dirt.
Precious recovered from his 'ochy', ran over to the ball, picked it up, passed it to Lord Mortis who ran it across the line for the touchdown.
End score 3 - 1 to the Legion of the Dead
Coming from a close loss to the Blisterin' Shagfisters there was much doubt on the Necromantic side that they could stop these agile leaping frogs, bt they were quite relieved when the Slann's decided to kick off. The necromancers defense held up against the frogs and after Knight Howler was able to scare one of the frog lineman off the pitch, the dead were able to form a cage around Roger who had the ball. The cage held well even though one of the Slann was part of it, it seemed he froze with fear being so close to corpses and unchallenged Roger passed the ball to Knight who ran across for the try.
Now the undead were faced with their toughest challenge.......defense.
Nuffle was on their side though as the ball landed close to the halfway line and the receiving team were taken by a surprise blitz from the werewolf who smashed the little frog catcher over giving Roger an opportunity to grab the ball. After a long strong defence from the Necromantics, Roger was able to cross the line for a second try and the Necromantic's doubt's were buried in the empty graves that they came from.....
As the clock ticked closer to half time the Undead's defense held up still and Rocky caused a devastating blow to a frog lineman taking him out for the rest of the match. In turn the Slanns stomped and knocked out two of the Necromantic's team.
At halftime with some help of the Bloodweiser Babes and their ale, the Necromantic team were back to full strength while the Slann were a frog down.
The Slann who were on the receiving again, decided they needed to even the score and Frogzilla heard their cry's of 'get him' and 'pound the Rock, pound the Rock'. He answered it with a mighty blow that would have split a normal rock in two, but surprisingly Rocky was able to Regenerate the damage and crawled his way off the pitch for a wee break and some more Bloodweiser ale (not that he needed it though, I suspect it had something to do with the 'Prreety.......Girrrrl' handing them out).
With no Rock on the field the Necromantic's defense fell over and the Slann leaped their way over the try line bringing the score to 1-2 to the Necromantics.
The Rock - after a refreshing drink - came back onto the field and lived up to his name standing firm against blow after blow and with the Undead finally on the receiving side again pushed themselves deep into Slann turf with Precious holding the ball. But as Precious, with his head down, looked up at the nearby touch line he connected head first with a frog lineman's head. Feeling the 'ochy' he collapsed to the ground crying, unaware that when his head smashed into the Lineman's, it fractured part of the Lineman's skull into its brain, instantly killing the frog. The ball scattered, stopping just to the right of Lord Mortis.
Desperate, another frog lineman tried to leap over 'Meat' the Zombie to get to the ball, but Meat managed to put the frog off balance and the lineman landed face first in the dirt.
Precious recovered from his 'ochy', ran over to the ball, picked it up, passed it to Lord Mortis who ran it across the line for the touchdown.
End score 3 - 1 to the Legion of the Dead
Match Report:
Heartless Bastards 3
Blisterin' Shagfisters 0
PLAYED 21/6/11
After some hefty trash-talking claims by the Coach of the Blisterin Shagfisters and the astounding first game for the Heartless Bastards, a record crowd of 22,000 fans turned up to see the showdown which did not disappoint. It was a brutal spectacle and a dirty, dirty game, but the Bastards emerged victorious and unscathed, leaving the bruised and battered Fisters to ponder just how their game went so wrong.
A shallow right kick-off from the Bastards got the bloodbath rolling, the Fister caging up against a toey Bastard line; but it was Blitzer #2 for the Dark Elves who was able to crack their defenses and sacking Dash Stikkyfingers. Snatched up by the Bastards they sent the ball deep into their own half to let their heavy hitters get to work. It was clear from the get go that the Shagfisters were going to use every dirty trick in the book, but the eagle-eyed ref caught the foul of crowd favourite "Wolfbane" and Journeyman Red Shurt was the first of many Fisters to be sent off.
The Bastards responded with a vicious tacklefest, with Blister #2 hard at it taking out his opposite on the human side, seeing Brik Enface out of the game; and much to the fans' delight, the Bastards' rookie Journeyman earned his stripes with a crippling tackle on Nik "The Screamer" Snatchengo, who howled all the way to the dugout as he clutched his smashed knee. With one tackle the journeyman also earned his name, and "Kneecapper" guaranteed his future with the Bastards.
Flash E Farqueoff returned the favour, kick the still-down "Wolfbane" between the legs so hard he was out of the game and left hugging a bag of ice for the rest of the match.
A dropped pass by the Bastards in the middle of their half gave the Fister fans something to cheer about, but the Dark Elves quickly swarmed and carried off the ball, with Tough Bastard getting the pass in to fan fave "Trollhammer" who dashed across the line late in the first half.
Both sides were somewhat diminished as their formed up on the scrimmage line, with 9 Dark Elves squaring up against 7 Humans, but there was too little time left for the Fisters drive to come good and both teams limped off the field.
The hard hitting tactics from the Heartless Bastards and the keen eyes of the refs kept the foul-happy Fisters short of quite a few good men, and in the second half the lack of numbers really began to show. the crowd was behind the humans, with a rock to Hard Bastard's skull momentarily taking him out of the action, but the Fisters weren't helped when Slymon "Grandpa" Abletoss tripped over his own bootlaces and went down so hard he smashed his hip; the Bastards capitalised on the opening to score early in the second, with blitzer Tough Bastard going over the line for the glory.
With five off the pitch the Fisters really couldn't form up a solid play; Brik Enface needing to rely on a bit of crowdsurfing encouragement to finally take Hard Bastard out of action, but in the end it was for nothing. The Fisters broke through the dark elf line of defense, but its snapped shut around the ball carrier and eventually found its way into Tough Bastard's hands, after a pickup in the tackle zone, dodge and pass to fleet-footed Dirty Bastard, who score the last Touchdown of the day.
MVPs went to Dirty Bastard for the TD and to Brik Enface for his fancy blitzer-throwing maneuvers. All in all a great day of Blood Bowl if you're a pointy-eared bastard!
After some hefty trash-talking claims by the Coach of the Blisterin Shagfisters and the astounding first game for the Heartless Bastards, a record crowd of 22,000 fans turned up to see the showdown which did not disappoint. It was a brutal spectacle and a dirty, dirty game, but the Bastards emerged victorious and unscathed, leaving the bruised and battered Fisters to ponder just how their game went so wrong.
A shallow right kick-off from the Bastards got the bloodbath rolling, the Fister caging up against a toey Bastard line; but it was Blitzer #2 for the Dark Elves who was able to crack their defenses and sacking Dash Stikkyfingers. Snatched up by the Bastards they sent the ball deep into their own half to let their heavy hitters get to work. It was clear from the get go that the Shagfisters were going to use every dirty trick in the book, but the eagle-eyed ref caught the foul of crowd favourite "Wolfbane" and Journeyman Red Shurt was the first of many Fisters to be sent off.
The Bastards responded with a vicious tacklefest, with Blister #2 hard at it taking out his opposite on the human side, seeing Brik Enface out of the game; and much to the fans' delight, the Bastards' rookie Journeyman earned his stripes with a crippling tackle on Nik "The Screamer" Snatchengo, who howled all the way to the dugout as he clutched his smashed knee. With one tackle the journeyman also earned his name, and "Kneecapper" guaranteed his future with the Bastards.
Flash E Farqueoff returned the favour, kick the still-down "Wolfbane" between the legs so hard he was out of the game and left hugging a bag of ice for the rest of the match.
A dropped pass by the Bastards in the middle of their half gave the Fister fans something to cheer about, but the Dark Elves quickly swarmed and carried off the ball, with Tough Bastard getting the pass in to fan fave "Trollhammer" who dashed across the line late in the first half.
Both sides were somewhat diminished as their formed up on the scrimmage line, with 9 Dark Elves squaring up against 7 Humans, but there was too little time left for the Fisters drive to come good and both teams limped off the field.
The hard hitting tactics from the Heartless Bastards and the keen eyes of the refs kept the foul-happy Fisters short of quite a few good men, and in the second half the lack of numbers really began to show. the crowd was behind the humans, with a rock to Hard Bastard's skull momentarily taking him out of the action, but the Fisters weren't helped when Slymon "Grandpa" Abletoss tripped over his own bootlaces and went down so hard he smashed his hip; the Bastards capitalised on the opening to score early in the second, with blitzer Tough Bastard going over the line for the glory.
With five off the pitch the Fisters really couldn't form up a solid play; Brik Enface needing to rely on a bit of crowdsurfing encouragement to finally take Hard Bastard out of action, but in the end it was for nothing. The Fisters broke through the dark elf line of defense, but its snapped shut around the ball carrier and eventually found its way into Tough Bastard's hands, after a pickup in the tackle zone, dodge and pass to fleet-footed Dirty Bastard, who score the last Touchdown of the day.
MVPs went to Dirty Bastard for the TD and to Brik Enface for his fancy blitzer-throwing maneuvers. All in all a great day of Blood Bowl if you're a pointy-eared bastard!
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